Gender Roles


1. Respond to the video clip. Is it sexist? Would the criticism be similar if a man gave such advice? Is it realistic? Do you agree with any points Patton makes?

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62 Comments to

“Gender Roles”

  1. January 10th, 2018 at 4:32 pm       danielleg6 Says:

    There are so many things I want to type right now and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get them all down, but I’ll try. First of all, YES THIS IS SEXIST. A woman should spend 75% of her time in college looking for her “personal happiness” which we all know is PR code for a husband? Her argument would be much more respectable if she said men should look for the same thing in college. Why is it just a woman’s responsibility to look for a “mate”? Shouldn’t it be a mutual effort? Also, in no world should men be able to focus on their studies while women should be focused on families and children. This isn’t 1950. It’s 2018, women must be allowed to put their career first. Second, criticism would be very similar, even worse is a man said the same thing. How would this hypothetical he be able to give advice to women when he is not a woman? Third, no this is not a realistic option for so many reasons. Love isn’t something that you plan for, its something that just happens. Patton also leaves out any mention of the LGBTQ+ community. Why should a woman be looking for a man when she wants to be with another woman? Another thing Patton failed properly acknowledge was fertility. Yes, she did say that women should plan for a family early because fertility is limited, but that applies to all age groups, not just the 30-somethings. Problems with fertility can affect any age, or gender for that matter. The opposite is true as well. Fertility can be great at a later age, not to mention the many treatments for increasing fertility. So sorry, Princeton Mom, that part of your argument falls flat. I did, however, agree with one thing Patton said at the end of the video: that she wanted women to make decisions that would make them happy. But, I’m pretty sure this was a PR quote again for the talk show (clearly it didn’t help given some of the comments on the video.)

    Watching this video made me think a lot about my plans for my future. Because when I think of my future right now, I see myself working. All of my plans (the college I want to go to, what I want to major in, what I want to do after I graduate college) are geared to getting me to be a forensic psychologist, out catching bad guys. The goal for my college experience is to build the foundations for my career, not my family. And you know what? That’s fine by me. Like Dom the intern said, she’s living the best life she can right now, and is going to worry about family and marriage when she wants to. We must empower each other in our goals. Some people want to get married young and start families early, and that’s great. Some people want to focus on their careers first, and that’s great too. What Susan Patton needs to learn is that there is no formula to a “happy” life.

    • January 11th, 2018 at 9:00 pm       oliviam3 Says:

      I love your enthusiasm! You are totally right. This is 2018 and woman should be in control of themselves. I like how you questions the unequal effort that goes into finding a ‘mate’. It is true that the Princeton Mom is making it out to be that the woman is the ‘family one’ and has to be at the mercy of a man to accept her affection. I also like how you mentioned that love isn’t something you plan for. Yes you may say ‘I would like to get married at age 25’ but it isn’t set in stone.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:53 am       dianag2 Says:

      Danie, I really liked how you analyzed the depth of Patton’s opinion. By her saying that women should spend 75% of their time looking for a husband in college, you not only discussed the controversy with the literal meaning of the statement but you also tied it to women’s roles in the past (caring for and raising a family in the house). Nice connection!

  2. January 11th, 2018 at 7:42 pm       mcguirky Says:

    Although I think sexism is tragic, her hair was the most disappointing thing about watching this video clip.
    Ok, so really- why do women need to have a husband to have kids? Why does everyone need to get married? If you find a loving person, and you are happy, and you feel like its right to have children, why not have kids? Why marriage before kids? Last time I checked, human sex organs are not activated by marriage. It is expected for a woman to be married before having children and I was concerned when none of the women called out the Princeton Mom on her avid use of “marriage” and “husband.” She will not say partnership or partner; she only says marriage and husband. Her misogyny lies behind the one sidedness of her language. She also tries to mask her misogyny as a biological issue- that women need to have babies NOW because it is harder later. Although it is more difficult and more risky to have children at an older age, there have been advancements in medical science that allow any two people of opposite sex to have children (as far as I am aware, we haven’t quite cracked same sex embryogenesis yet). Anyone at any age can have kids through IVF (in vitro fertilization) or surrogacy. A postmenopausal woman who had her eggs frozen in her 30s can have the eggs fertilized in vitro and implanted into a surrogate- and it is highly likely that the baby will be perfectly healthy. You don’t even need a man now, you can get a baby without a partner! You can get sperm from a sperm bank and have a kid without spending 75% of your time looking for a man! Isn’t that so efficient! Princeton Mom just wants to encourage young women to abandon their careers and stay in the home to raise children. This lady is a misogynist and she deserves the hideous haircut that she has.

    • January 11th, 2018 at 8:22 pm       sophiap3 Says:

      I really like how you include the technology of today, which completely disproves her main argument that women in their 30s can not have children.

    • January 11th, 2018 at 8:23 pm       sophiap3 Says:

      I really liked how you made the point of the new technology which exists and it directly disproves her argument that women in their 30s are going to have problems with pregnancy.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:28 am       tarap1 Says:

      I think her comment regarding women needing to marry earlier to avoid pregnancy in their 30’s is ridiculous. You make an interesting point. There are so many advances in medicine today that would surpass the problem women may have with giving birth after mid thirties. Patton’s argument is so flawed, I can’t…I understand she is old fashioned but she cannot expect women to put their education on hold in college and look for a husband.

  3. January 11th, 2018 at 8:07 pm       ryang7 Says:

    While I believe that Patton’s intentions are good, her argument is flawed. Spending 75% of your time looking for a man is simply ridiculous. To truly find out if something is sexist though, you can just apply it to the other sex. Should a man spend 75% of his time at college looking for a woman? Absolutely not, so there is no reason why the reverse should also happen. However, what about 25% of the time? 10%? These amounts are a bit more reasonable for both sexes. You go to college, first and foremost, to get an education; the majority of your energy should thus be set on your education and career. If you do want a family, however, that does not mean that you should just abandon that goal until your education is done and your career is set up. Whether it be for guys or girls, people should simply spend their time on what is important to them. Another reason that Patton’s idea is flawed is that in college, many people simply aren’t looking to find a soulmate. They just aren’t ready for that level of commitment. Some look for a serious relationship, and other just a fling. To say that once you reach college you should already be in marriage mode is just an unrealistic goal for people who have still barely experienced the world.

    • January 11th, 2018 at 10:34 pm       lindseya4 Says:

      Ryan, I think you put this into perspective really well. While I agree that not all women (or men for that matter) should spend 75% of their time at college looking for a significant other, I think that for some people, Patton’s advice could be beneficial. Just because most college kids aren’t ready to settle down and have a family doesn’t mean that the select few that are should put off this thought.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 12:59 am       roryh2 Says:

      Ryan, I agree that while Patton may only be attempting to make sure other women find personal happiness, her argument has a myriad of flaws. Her 75% claim is completely absurd, and in my opinion might just be an attempt to get more media attention. I also agree that there is a way to balance personal and professional success. Ultimately, each woman should have the freedom to work towards a goal she finds important, whether it be personal or professional.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:13 am       priscillam2 Says:

      That’s a really good point you bring up Ryan. I was only thinking about it from a female’s perspective, and not a male’s. I agree with you that many men in college are not looking for wives. Many aren’t ready for that level of commitment that marriage entails, and it is an unrealistic goal for women to believe that they all are ready to do so.

  4. January 11th, 2018 at 8:21 pm       sophiap3 Says:

    I believe that Patton’s argument is exclusionary and sexist. Not only do some women not want to get married early, not want to have children, or want to get married early but not have children, but some women just want to focus on their career and education in college. Also, her argument entirely disregards the science and technology we have today, which invalidates her argument that older women are less likely to have children. Her argument also fails to recognize that not all men look for or need children to have a healthy relationship with their spouses. Despite the many areas where Patton’s argument fails to give advice, I have the most problem with the idea she is instilling in young girls that they should “search and seek out men”. Relationships are not one sided in our society of 2018, and mutual respect and affection for each other and each others preferences is standard and politically correct. If a woman wants to focus on her studies, it is not the man’s right to tell her she can’t. We have made progress as a society, but clearly, there is a long road ahead.

    • January 11th, 2018 at 8:55 pm       ryang7 Says:

      Your point about our scientific advancements could not be more true. In vitro fertilization and other methods have made it much easier for older couples to have a child. Also, even if a women gets married late and is completely unable to have children, she could always adopt a child. Patton’s argument for why women should look for someone young is that when they are older, they are less desirable and fit to reproduce than a younger women. What she fails to consider is that men don’t just look for a mate. They look for someone who they like to spend time with, and who they find interesting, funny, and intelligent. In this aspect, Patton is being sexist not just to women, but to men.

  5. January 11th, 2018 at 8:55 pm       oliviam3 Says:

    To start, I think is ironic that this obviously well-educated women would has such a narrow view of things. I believe that her argument is sexist and flawed in many ways. She makes the point that you ‘will never be around as men worthy of you’. This is not a fair claim. Yes you will be around people who will share similar values as you, but that doesn’t deem them ‘worthy’ of you, and the quantity of ‘worthy’ men is not what matters. When you enter a career, the men there may still be worthy of you and maybe share qualities that were absent at school. She goes on to say that being married is linked to your happiness, which also is not true. There are some people where their happiness is their work and there is nothing wrong with that. You must do what makes you happy and that maybe not a family. And if we are being honest, not every moment within a family is a happy one.

    This is certainly a step-back for woman as it implies that women need a man survival. Women and strong and independent. Especially considering her target audience was an ivy educated woman, these woman will be able to provide for themselves economically. Also, I think- as Liam mentioned- she failed to see that a man is not in all necessary for a family. Adoption as well as in-vitro and alternative ways to get pregnant rates have been increasing. There is also now a larger acceptance of lesbian couples who find the joy and support that the Princeton Mom believes a man causes within their same-sex partner.

    What I find interesting is the blacklash that would’ve came if a father wrote to a desired son to start looking for a wife. Although a man can adopt, they can not get pregnant and start to a family, thus the reasoning they need to find a women. People would be equally enraged.
    Overall, I think, as the video stated, college is about your personal growth. One needs to focus on establishing who they are and what they want to do with their life. If that involves finding a spouse and starting a family, there is no reason to not start looking while at college, however is should not be a main focus.

    • January 11th, 2018 at 10:17 pm       caseym2 Says:

      I agree Liv that this open letter is a stepback because the basis of the arguement relies on women needing a man to accomplish everything she sets out to do. I like the way you worded your response to highlight the claim while subtlety refuting the counter.

    • January 11th, 2018 at 11:27 pm       michaell16 Says:

      I agree Olivia that only after discovering your desires and what kind of person you would want to spend your life with will you be able to look for a husband/wife or long-term relationship. You don’t even have to do so. I know many family friends who aren’t married and are perfectly happy. Marriage does not always equal happiness but self-awareness does. Furthermore, relationships will be strengthened if they are made of individuals who know what they want and why because both will know what they are getting themselves into.

  6. January 11th, 2018 at 10:14 pm       caseym2 Says:

    The video is EXTREMELY interesting to bring up in this blog. On many levels this “discussion” that the Princton Mom initiated is wrong because of the sheer lack of conversation, from the interview she had on and in the open letter. She wrote her perspective on the neccesitiy of marriage down then proceeded to send it out into the internet, expecting to “teach” the youth of America the “right” way to plan for a man in the future. When an outcry of angry people flooded to their keyboards she went on the attack, pointlessly repeating her defense and not LISTENING to the opposition. In the interview with the Princeton Mom blatantly did not listen to the woman who said she enjoys her life now as a working 20-something even though shes not ready for her future of seduction and reproduction. If I have learned anything in my two years of Mrs. Hampsey’s English classes I have learned the way to argue my point without resorting to disfuncitional communication with the people who you are attempting to sway to your side. Honestly, it is completely false that a woman has to spend 75% of her ACADEMIC life focused on the “hunt” for an eligible bachelor who she can plan a life with. You are going to college to get an education! To broaden your horizons! Not to limit yourself to every frat party and sporting event with binoculars, checking the scene for the future Mr. Right. Even though I am a feminist, I can understand where the Princeton Mom is coming from even though her claim and delivery are off. Women should be aware that there is a limit on what our bodies can do and we should know it before our biological clock has run out. However, women do not NEED men to fullfill these dreams of a prosperous and meaningful life. Women need to be educated and aware of the world around them, and in college they have the chance to learn about themselves. If a man wrote this open letter it wouldnt even be a discussion if it was right or wrong for him to do so, it would just be wrong. A man cannot tell women when the best time is to find a husband because they are simply not women. Although I believe she has pure intentions to help society, this letter and point of view seems to becoming from a jaded older women who wishes she could go back and change things she did in her life so she could find the perfect husband before it was too late. My future will not follow the harsh guidelines for an ideal marriage because that is simply not how life works. You can plan and plan and plan but you can never exactly get what you “imagined” life would be. I know that my future will not include me planning time to look for my perfect husband before it is “too late”.

    • January 11th, 2018 at 10:39 pm       jennar4 Says:

      Casey, I completely agree. I especially love what you pointed out about her weak argument skills. Patton fails to consider any side opposing to hers, shutting down a young woman’s passion for her work and pride in her accomplishments with suffocating gender roles. Patton claims that the source of the opposition is young women not liking what they’re hearing. I would love to know if Mrs. PAtton would like an older woman yelling that her way of life was wrong and that all her accomplishments are worthless because they are not for the sake of a man. Mrs. Patton should consider that the criticism of her argument is because she is being harsh and degrading, and open her mind to different opinions.

  7. January 11th, 2018 at 10:25 pm       jennar4 Says:

    The misogyny, exclusivity, one sidedness, and blatant disrespect for female autonomy in Patton’s argument is truly astounding. I have a whole list of things I’d like to say right now. But there is one thing that is really bugging me – I just don’t understand how they had such great camera quality in 1950!!
    In all seriousness though, the persistence of this type of mindset in modern day is baffling. How dare this woman stand up here and tell woman that when they are first entering the world, when they are spending countless hours and dollars on education, when they are learning who they are and who they want to be, when they are given their first experiences of independence, that their primary focus should be on finding a husband? Now, it is absolutely a good idea, for those whose first priority is family, to keep their personal relationship in mind. There are many women out there who want a husband and a traditional family, and for them looking for potential husbands in college is a good idea. However, Patton is making the assumption that this is what all women want, or rather telling all women that this is what they should want. What about the women who love women? What about those who are happy being successful in their occupational field? What about those who want to have a steady financial situation before they bring children into the world? What about the women who want to adopt children, not as a second choice but as a goal to take in children who don’t have the home they deserve? What about women who are simply happy as they are? What about the MEN? Should they simply focus on getting an education and achieving personal success while women are pushed to find themselves a man and sort out their family, at the expense of their personal ambitions, just like they have been for the last hundreds of years?
    Patton’s advice may be helpful for a specific type of woman, but she is wrong to push those traditional goals on all women. Of course all women are allowed to do what they want with their lives, and of course feminism advocates for the traditionalist women just as much as the progressive ones. What feminism does not do, however, is tell women how they should be. Especially when the intern described her passion, her excitement, her pride, and her happiness at the stage she is in her life – and Patton spoke over her, shutting down her opinion with rigid criticisms. Patton’s ideas about building families are not wrong, but her intentions to shove multifaceted, diverse women into one box (a box with blue shutters and a white picket fence), especially when women are just recently emerging from a long imprisonment in that box, are shameful.

    • January 11th, 2018 at 10:39 pm       danielleg6 Says:

      Jenna- I love your metaphor about “the box.” It is a perfect way to explain Patton’s argument. I know I don’t want to be in the box, and you don’t want to be in the box, so why should Patton tell us that we should go into the box?

    • January 11th, 2018 at 10:45 pm       jennar4 Says:

      I just realized I forgot to add my final point- Patton claims that her advice is only for women who want traditional families, but she is harsly unaccepting of the young women on the show who explain that they are prioritizing work for now and are happy doing it. Patton’s claims do not match her actions; she says she is only addressing traditional-minded women, but proceeds to push her ideas onto other woman who are happy living different lifestyles. Her hypocrisy reveals the true bigotry and ignorance in her argument.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:31 am       joannes2 Says:

      Jenna- your response is so well-written. I also agree with Danie- “the box” metaphor is a powerful image. There is more than one way to live, and her beliefs are detrimental to society’s progress. I fear for young girls growing up in today’s world; exposure to arguments like this will “shove” them into “the box-” but they deserve so much more.

  8. January 11th, 2018 at 10:28 pm       ericcheng Says:

    After watching the video, it amazes me of how an individual who graduated from a prestige university wrote such a bigoted article. Most people would expect a better attitude form those alumni or at least be capable of listening to other’s perspectives. Patton seemed to be stubborn and too annoyed when listening to the co-workers at the MSNBC studio when they said they were not looking for a husband at the time and were planning on living their life while maintaining a suitable job for themselves.

    I find Patton’s argument to be somewhat similar to South when talking about Junior Ball and Prom. Some people worry waaaaaaayyyyyyyy too early about who are they going to ask, what dress to wear, hairstyles, and makeup. ( But that’s off-topic lol)

    I strongly disagree with Patton’s argument that women in college have to find a husband. Patton claiming college to be a husband searching platform is inadequate. For a family paying $20,000+ for their child to receive an elevated level of education, they should not feel pressured to find their soulmate there. College primary purpose is to find oneself and further their studies into their favorite subjects. I don’t find Patton’s article to be realistic because it varies from each college. Some college students are busier than others and might not have time for recreational activities. Meanwhile, at some schools, there will be plenty of time to engage with their peers and interact in new activities.

    I am not against dating in college, but personally, that is not my main priority in college. Personally, I would like to focus on my education first rather than worrying about marriage. Dating another person in college is an addition to the college life, but never a necessity. Especially with the complex schedules of college students with clubs, band, work, volunteer services, and class hours not every woman and man will have time to date someone else.

    Though I think some of Patton’s points are somewhat reasonable. Yes, college and graduate school is likely the last time for most people that they will be around people of the same age. As once we enter the real world, it gets difficult to find people of similar age or interest of studies. I can see why Patton stresses on dating in college, as college campus life simplifies the process since there still is a restricted number of people living there and the social activities there makes it easy to meet new people.

    • January 11th, 2018 at 11:06 pm       Siegler Says:

      Eric, you bring up a good point of the JB/prom dresses. This is just a smaller and less important example of exactly what Patton is pushing. You don’t see anybody making instagram pages on guys to pick out suits or hairstyles 6 months before the event… Everything in our society encompasses gender roles and I find it to be very backwards. I do disagree with you though about seeing Patton’s points as somewhat reasonable… I do not think that her views are reasonable at all. There are so many people on earth, and everywhere you go there are people your age. And who says you can’t marry 10 years outside of your specific age? Obviously now, when we are 17 and 18 years old, that age range seems ridiculous, because right now it is. But plenty of 30 year olds have dated people who are 40 and plenty of people who are 40 have dated people who are 50. Patton is taking her specific experiences and viewpoints and making all women feel that they must think of it her way or they are wrong. It is autocratic and just plain wrong.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:35 am       benm2 Says:

      I like how you relate it to our lives by mentioning junior ball and I totally agree. I also agree with your idea that dating should not be a priority in college. Our parents pay thousands of dollars for us to better our education so we shouldn’t distract ourselves from that by spending 75% of our time looking for a potential spouse. I agree that college is one of the last times that people are around their own age group, but I feel like people still have many other opportunities to meet others so it shouldn’t be a focus to do so for a college student.

  9. January 11th, 2018 at 10:33 pm       jamesc7 Says:

    The premise on which Patton bases her argument is just ridiculous. 75% of a woman’s time in college has to be spent looking for a husband? No. Especially nowadays when college costs anywhere from 20k to 80k a year, it is an ungodly waste of time to be searching for a man while you could be focusing on your studies. Now, a lot of people do find their fiance at college.

    That is the case for both of my older cousins, who met their future wives at college. But were their girlfriends spending 75% of their looking for a man? Absolutely not. They are both extremely driven people who want to work for a living. This is anecdotal, but it bears mentioning because Patton is putting forward her ideal system, and trying to apply it to everyone. Not everyone has the same priorities as you, Patton. I think most women go to college for the exact same reason men do; to prepare for their career, not to prepare for a domestic, “married with two kids” sort of life. Sure, there are some women out there whose primary goal is to find a man they can rely on. There is nothing wrong with being old-fashioned. That’s what freedom is. I don’t agree with Patton condemning a whole generation of women who have decided focus more on their professional life than their relationships. I think women have the right to do that, just as men do.

    Additionally, if you just look at marriage rates in the country, they are significantly down from fifty years ago. That is because women are more driven and career oriented. Also, marriage isn’t a guarantee of happiness according to psychologist Bella DePaulo, “One study tracking 1,000 couples for 15 years found that marriage brought only a “tiny blip” of happiness during the brief time closest to the wedding ceremony. “But on average, afterwards, people go back to way they were before.”

    Patton portrays marriage as the ultimate predictor of happiness, which is oversimplifying the issue. I think her heart is in the right place, but Patton is severely mistaken in how she tackles this issue.

  10. January 11th, 2018 at 10:34 pm       lindseya4 Says:

    I’m going to take a slightly different approach to this argument in the sense that I do not think that Susan Patton’s advice is sexist. Patton does not urge women to neglect their studies, but rather to supplement them with their quest to find a husband. She clarifies that her advice is only for those that seek a “traditional” family, thus she offers an out for those who misinterpret or take offense to her advice. Had this advice come from a man, however, I would find it sexist. Women are typically seen as subservient to men, so a man offering the same advice would further the vision of a patriarchal society. Patton’s advice is conforming to, but not advocating for, societal gender norms. Though it is wonderful to see powerful women stand up for women’s rights, not all women are courageous enough to do so. Thus, if a women believes she needs a well educated man to be happy – let her find her that man in college if she wishes. Ultimately, following Patton’s advice would be the key to unlocking this woman’s personal happiness. While I can certainly understand how some would classify the argument as sexist, Patton is mild-mannered in her argument, careful not to force her advice down her audience’s throat.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 12:57 am       amandag3 Says:

      Lindsey, I love the way you put this, and I would have to agree with you in many aspects. Her suggestions are far from threatening— they are simply suggestions for women who choose to settle down earlier in life. It is important to be objective while listening to Patton’s argument because one may immediately mark her as sexist; however, her argument does not discourage women from pursuing their goals. It encourages them to pursue personal happiness which I believe can be found in either one’s career or in their romantic/family life.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:07 am       priscillam2 Says:

      I completely agree with you Lindsey. I think that a majority of females do envision getting married, and having kids. Patton is just explaining her opinion of what she thinks this is the most ideal way to do it. To find someone while you’re both young, and at the same point in life, which I agree with. Of course we should be focusing on our studies more in college, but it is true that if you wait until later on in life to find a husband, there will be less options, especially from those who are at the same point in life as you are.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:20 am       ericcheng Says:

      Lindsey, I like the way how you approached Patton’s argument. As she is not using her article for every college female student, but whereas she is specifically targeting those who do want to seek love in college. Just because one person wants to devote most of their time learning in college doesn’t mean another person can’t devote the majority of their time to finding a significant other.

  11. January 11th, 2018 at 10:58 pm       Siegler Says:

    First of all, what Patton claims is completely untrue. It is absolutely possible for a woman to find a husband well into her 30’s, if not later. Some people who have responded to the blog so far have taken moderate stances on their opinions of Patton, but I think her viewpoint is severely flawed, drastically incorrect, misogynistic, and thoroughly shameful. Women should not go to college with 3 quarters of their effort while they are there being spent on trying to find a husband. All this does is take traditional misogynistic gender roles and reinforce them to the point that women are irrelevant and only have one purpose, which is to bear children (just like in the Handmaid’s Tale). The whole purpose of college, for men or women, is to learn to be a self-sufficient, independent, intelligent, and successful adult. To start, women do not get as paid as much as men do. How is a woman going to support herself if she comes out of college without a future husband and without a good education because she had spent so much time looking for a husband who she didn’t find? Patton’s idea is asking for women to become reliant individuals which is a totally backwards idea than what should be promoted to women in their teens and twenties. As a son with a mother who completely disqualifies Patton’s claims, I know for a fact that Patton is wrong. Her advice is horrible!!!

    (PS, does anyone else think that the blonde Dominique woman in the video kinda looks like Elisabeth Moss?? Total coincidence considering I brought up the Handmaid’s Tale haha)

    • January 11th, 2018 at 11:50 pm       jennifere1 Says:

      Matt, I completely agree. The thought of never having the experience of living independently is horrible. This reminded me of an episode of Friends when Rachel’s mom was considering a divorce after at least 20 years of marriage. She was admiring Rachel’s independence when she revealed “I never worked. I went straight from my father’s house to the sorority house to my husband’s house” What’s the point of going to college if not achieving an education or at least establishing a sense of self? While Patton was not telling young women to become housewives, she presented a family with children a common goal of all young women, which is inaccurate. When I was reading an article about Patton on Time’s website, they revealed that she had recently gotten divorced. I wonder why she had such a different interpretation of this newfound freedom.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 12:40 am       michaelam Says:

      Matthew, you bring up an important point when you question: “How is a woman going to support herself if she comes out of college without a future husband and without a good education because she had spent so much time looking for a husband who she didn’t find?” It is scary to think that after following supposedly the “smart” advice, a woman could have wasted her college experience on finding someone that wasn’t there or wasn’t for her. If a woman chooses to marry a man, there are plenty of other opportunities to meet him whether they attend the same school or not. Instead, Patton is rushing women to jump into a relationship when they are not ready rather than having them focus on the reason they attend college; to get an education.

  12. January 11th, 2018 at 11:20 pm       michaell16 Says:

    I was very put off by the “Princeton Mom” and her idea to marry while you’re still young. As a guy it sounds artificial. To tell someone, to force them to get hitched when he/she is young because his/her options will become limited in the future tells me that you’re not looking for love but the ideal of the “traditional family.” Really? C’mon, I’m not gonna date someone if he/she wants to date me cause he/she selected me as a candidate for marriage. This isn’t a multiple choice test. I’m no A or B or C or D. I believe that a college student must put their expensive education first but should also devote some time to their friends and maybe a relationship. By spending 70% of your time finding a husband/wife, you will be forcing it to work. And that means divorce (more likely than not). By her logic you’ll be freshly single at 45 and then who’s out there? Her argument is invalid and destructive to any student in college.
    I’m also annoyed at the continual emphasis placed on marriage, all the time and everywhere. Marriage is not the only path to happiness and to say the opposite would be hilariously incorrect. It is better to discover yourself first, to build internal strength, and to discover who you like. People change and to lock yourself into a relationship at a young age is limiting your exploration and confining you to the preferences of your 20 year-old self. Please don’t listen to her advice, it is wrong and it is frightening.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 12:11 am       devp1 Says:

      Mikey, I found it very interesting how you brought up the notion of a “candidate” and a “multiple choice test.” I was personally so involved in picking apart her argument that I did not think about the bigger picture: Susan is mechanizing, so to speak, love and marriage. It reminds me of the Bachelor/Bachelorette, where there are “contestants” for marriage, and the whole idea of love is sold as, “eliminate a lot of men one by one until you’ve found the one.” I also completely agree with your comment about the chances of divorce – perhaps Susan’s medieval values don’t comprehend the reality of divorces… But wow, the second paragraph about the emphasis on marriage was spot-on! Don’t worry, Mikey, I’m sure that most women will see right through her advice!

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:20 am       ianz Says:

      I completely agree. Patton gets hung up on marriage as a key element that should be present in every person’s life. What she does not understand is not everyone is interested in her traditional ideals. It is almost as if she is boasting about her own marriage and happiness in life, which seems very arrogant and somewhat uncalled for.

  13. January 11th, 2018 at 11:40 pm       jennifere1 Says:

    Patton’s argument that women should spend about 75% of their time in college looking for a husband is flawed on many levels. First, by directing her message at only young women, she is only urging women to be looking for husbands. For her heteronormative idealism to succeed, these young women looking for marriage would need to find young men equally enthusiastic about marriage. But she never addresses young men. In fact, later in her argument, she suggests that women in their late twenties and early thirties will have difficulties finding a husband because men their age will be looking for younger women, suggesting that they too had not married yet. If Patton concedes that men looking for wives tend to wait until they have reached late twenties and early thirties, why is she presenting college as the perfect landscape to find a husband? Towards the end of her letter, she tells young women “Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are. And I say again — you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you.” If she claims these women are worthy of so few men, why does she claim that in a few years, their unchanged intelligence will no longer be enough? In a blatant attempt to win over her audience through flattery, she continually reminds the young women of their intelligence while contradictively arguing that they should not be spending time at one of the most prestigious universities in America studying. She treats the admission to selective colleges as a screening process to be accepting in to one of those elitist online dating sites. But intelligence is not the sole factor that precedes a happy marriage nor should college be seen as a period focused on marriage. It is a period of intense learning about both the subject which you want to pursue and yourself. It is unrealistic to expect young women or 19 years old to know what they are looking for in a husband – and they do not have to. When Patton graduated from Princeton in 1977, the median age for marriage for men was 24.0 for men and 21.6 for women. She obviously felt the pressure when she was in college to find a husband and marriage would have been a priority for women her age. But times have changed. As more and more women have been establishing careers for themselves after college, and intend to continue these careers after starting a family, the median ages for marriage have steadily risen. In 2013, when Patton wrote her letter, the median age for men was 29.0 and 26.6 years for women. The median ages have risen by 5 years for each gender which disproves her theory that men will only marry younger women.There is not the same pressure today for 22 year old women to find husbands. They can spend their time in college doing what they are spending thousands of dollar each year for – studying.

  14. January 12th, 2018 at 12:03 am       devp1 Says:

    So much for the “Ivy League” education… I’m at a loss for words right now. Not only is “Princeton Mom’s” argument worse than Donald Trump’s tweets, but Susan Patton genuinely believes that her views are “helping” women rather than suppressing them. 75% of your time looking for a future husband- excuse me? As others mentioned earlier in the blog, she may have forgotten that we entered the twenty-first century 18 years ago! It should go without saying at this point that the video is beyond sexist. It’s absurd. Women should be empowering one another, not pushing each other down. However, if a man had made the same comments, the outrage would have been highly amplified. Imagine if this were a New York Times editorial by a male author – Paul Krugman, Nicholas Kristof, etc. If I’m being honest, he would most likely be fired for his misogynistic comments. What shocks me even more is how Mika Brzezinski genuinely agreed with her. She wrote in the article preluding the video: “it’s [the video] caused this stir because, well, the truth hurts… the bottom line is your chances of finding a mate does diminish as you get older… there is an important message in her madness.” Now, Princeton Mom has clarified that her audience only includes young Princeton women who are looking to have a traditional family, but that does not diminish the abominable message she promotes. What is the “important message,” Mika? That women should submit to the values of the 1950s and disregard all of the progress they have made up until this point? Although Mika gave a personal anecdote about the value of family when she lost her job at CBS, it does not justify Princeton Mom’s comments. I would hope that Mika won’t try to push these messages on her daughters when they enter their early twenties. Perhaps Susan Patton’s theories were sound a few decades ago, but in this new age of women’s empowerment and independent, her comments are antiquated and ridiculous. Tara is going to college next year, and I am extremely confident saying that her focus is on an education. Yes, for some women, the “right man” may be found in college, but that does not mean it should be a woman’s priority. Tara is ambitious and wants to focus on her career in medicine – she does not place the emphasis on “Ivy League Matchmaker” at such a young age. Susan Patton claims that her views are for the good of young women, but her actual argument is horribly flawed. Shame on the hundreds of thousands of dollars spent getting such a “quality” undergraduate experience….

  15. January 12th, 2018 at 12:37 am       roryh2 Says:

    While I think Patton’s argument is flawed and sexist, the underlying principle does make sense. If you want to have a family, you have to actively work towards that goal. However, Patton’s expectations for women are completely unrealistic and unfair. The purpose of going to college is to receive an education so that you can have a successful career. Devoting 75% of your time to any task is unrealistic; devoting 75% of your time to a task that is irrelevant to academic success is simply ridiculous. Also, men are not asked to spend a majority of their time seeking a relationship. Relationships (and marriages) are a team effort, and both individuals have to put in time and effort in order for that relationship to succeed. While planning for the future is a worthy ideal, it is also incredibly unrealistic. Most individuals in college, both men and women, are not looking for a soulmate. Asking someone for that level of commitment at such a young age is unfair. I found Patton’s comments on how women are less likely to find a partner when they are older most offensive. She claimed that men are more attracted to the “cute” and “adorable” women in their early 20s. Shouldn’t a relationship be based off more than just looks? Physical appearance should not be the only attractive quality; what about a women’s personality and professional accomplishments? Also, her comments on infertility are misleading and inaccurate. Fertility is a personal and individual topic that varies for every woman. While I agree that having a family is a personal goal that one has to work towards, the majority of Patton’s claims are sexist and unfair.

  16. January 12th, 2018 at 12:51 am       priscillam2 Says:

    I feel very controversial about this topic. On one hand, I think of course it’s sexist the way she encourages women to spend a majority of their time in college looking for a man to marry instead of focusing on their studies. However, if I’m being honest, I’ve always believed that I would find my husband in college; whether that’s senior year in undergrad or in graduate school, I’ve pictured my whole life finding my husband while still in college. Most high school relationships don’t last, and I wouldn’t want to my very first relationship to be my only one. I also; however, wouldn’t want to find my husband at work because personally, I would want my job to be separate from my husband. Maybe it’s just because I couldn’t imagine spending all day everyday with the same person day and night, so I wouldn’t want to work with my husband, or find a husband wherever I end up working. That’s why I’ve always just assumed I would find my husband in college, and would be lying if I said that I won’t be looking for someone to marry during my years at college. However, would that be where 75% of my attention is? Of course not, probably more like 25%-30%, and 75% towards studying. If a man gave the same advice, I couldn’t imagine the uproar. It is because she is an ivy-league alumni that there is so much controversy over this topic. She’s not an uneducated woman who’s just giving her opinion. She has personally been through the college experience at one of the most vigorous universities. It is unrealistic, though, for her to truly believe that women will spend 75% of their time at college looking for a husband. It amazes me that even though she probably spent so much time dedicated to her schoolwork in high school to be accepted to such a prestigious school. Yet once she gets to college, is willing to just through it all away for a husband, which she could find later or I don’t know maybe just balance the two better, in favor of education?! However, it is her opinion that she’s entitled to have, as we all are.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:18 am       amandag3 Says:

      Priscilla, I think you make a great point. I totally agree that her argument is valid in some aspects, but falters when it comes to how much focus should be placed on finding a husband. Of course, I plan to look for a husband in college like you do, but of course it will not be my main focus as Patton assumes.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:33 am       ericcheng Says:

      Priscilla, I agree with your response. It’s reasonable to be searching for a boyfriend/girlfriend while in college, but the amount of time spent on searching depends on the person. Patton’s advice wasn’t a command, it was a suggestion for those who do intend to pursue that plan in the future.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:57 am       kriship1 Says:

      Priscilla, I agree with how her point is the point is realistic finding potential spouses in college but the amount of time put into it is absurd. Many college kids care more about building an independent life for themselves than with someone else. Its all a matter of what you prioritize and care about more.

  17. January 12th, 2018 at 1:02 am       joannes2 Says:

    Arguments like these are absurd: for a nation that champions progress, we are surprisingly restrictive. Patton defends her claim by arguing that in spending 75% of college searching for a husband, women will find their “personal happiness.” But happiness means nothing if it depends on external circumstances- so placing all of that in one individual is not promising. And after working my entire life to get into college, I would not sacrifice any of that to find a husband. It’s a time of self-discovery, and it’s unfair to expect any woman to undervalue her education or her career. She studies to secure her future, one where she is not dependent on any individual. There is overwhelming pressure on women to get married fast- and if that is what she wants, then she can pursue that- but that is not every woman’s goal. Besides this, marriage is a union- all effort should not be placed on one partner; it establishes unequal power, reinforcing sexism. Patton claims that her thoughts are the “truth” and that we react because the “truth hurts.” But we are angry because her comments are destructive and unreasonable- she degrades women, perpetuating stereotypes. Countering the other women in the room, Patton believes that waiting would deem them unfit to “compete” with other women. We break women down, and we pit them against each other, and we teach them to love others before they love themselves. Patton’s remarks are enraging, and even if Brezinski or Pierre-Bravo fall victim to the bandwagon, their comments are disheartening nonetheless. Patton implies that marriage is a game and “husbands” must be fought for; her argument undermines any emotional aspect of a relationship. With this mindset, we spiral backwards, destroying the legacies of activists who devoted their lives to securing our rights.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:22 am       lesliey1 Says:

      I agree with you 100%, there’s nothing wrong with a young person wanting love in their life but there’s so much more to the college experience. Young women (and everyone, really) should learn about who they are and enjoy the college experience before they commit to marrying someone. The idea that women have to compete with one another for a husband is divisive and antiquated; marriage is not THE marker of a fulfilled life.

  18. January 12th, 2018 at 1:04 am       michaelam Says:

    Patton’s marriage advice is undeniably sexist. Focusing 75% of your time on finding a husband? College students barely have time to themselves, so how could Patton expect a student to spend 75% of their time looking for a husband while their school work requires 75% of their time; it is completely unrealistic. As a Princeton alumna, she should understand that especially. While I understand that many women do struggle to find a husband after college, that does not mean college is a time set aside for finding your soulmate; it is a time to learn and prepare for your career. If women do want to marry, there is time for that after college and there are many ways to find someone. Especially with options like social media platforms or dating websites, men and women have been able to find their soulmate in a way that works for them; a way that fits into their schedule. Marrying a person should never be rushed, women should be able to freely choose when they want to marry, not be restricted to finding someone during college.

  19. January 12th, 2018 at 1:15 am       amandag3 Says:

    I do not necessarily believe Patton’s argument is sexist because she makes a very strong point when it comes to planning for the future. Yes, I can most certainly see how put off some people are by her comments because they are quite strong, but I do not see anything outright sexist. The claims would, however, be sexist if coming from a man, but Patton speaks from experience. Although she grew up in a different time, Patton has achieved success in her own eyes, and I believe that is important to note. College is learning experience, no matter what you expect to learn. As graduation is around the corner for some of us (ah!!), I think about what I hope to achieve in college. Not only do I want to study and build the foundation for my career, but I also hope to form lasting social relationships that will help me grow as a person. I think this is part of Patton’s argument: women (everyone, actually) should be open to the possibilities of going to college. We can get such a rich education just by spending time with unique people and engaging in various social activities. I know I would like to start a family earlier in my life, but I also want to have a successful career. College will be about finding that happy medium and learning how to prioritize, especially when it comes to such huge life decisions. I would like to point out that while I see Patton’s argument and can apply parts of it to my own life, I acknowledge that some of her statements are far-fetched and potentially offensive to some women. When she mentions how women in their mid-30s are not as “appealing” to men seeking a “mate” as women fresh out of college, this does not sit well with me. I believe a successful woman who has prioritized her education and career is just as (if not more) attractive as the “glowing” twenty-something year old who has just finished her undergraduate degree. I saw the basis of Patton’s argument as the following: women should be granted the freedom to pursue their individual happiness in college, and for some, that may be by finding a husband. Just remember though, ladies, your parents are most definitely not paying that large sum of money for you to spend the majority of your undergrad “finding a husband.” They want you to be happy and to succeed, and I believe that how we interpret this idea of “personal happiness” will differ amongst women.

  20. January 12th, 2018 at 1:16 am       ianz Says:

    Wow. This article and accompanying video have me at somewhat of a loss for words. Initially when I read the headline about Patton’s argument I was intrigued. Who is this orange sweater wearing person and why do they care. I understand that Patton wants to help and feels that her opinion is correct, but she is the mother of two sons. Being that she does not have any daughters forces the reader to wonder: Why do you care? This information doesn’t pertain to her at all and she never speaks from personal experience. Why does Patton’s argument matter? Her husband, presumably a dazzling individual handpicked from the ranks at Princeton is nowhere to be seen. She never talks about her own relationship, marriage, or energy put forth to find the perfect mate. Does her education qualify her to make such statements? Let us not forget the Unabomber went to Harvard when he was 16. Patton is one of many well educated individuals in this country. Her education does not instantly entitle her to tell a generation and gender how to live. Additionally, how old it Patton? If she was one of the first woman to ever graduate from Princeton she may have experienced a different social life. The times may have changed between the late 60s and today. Just maybe. While I believe that Patton intends to do no real harm and is not of malicious intent, she is representative of a group of college students that are now retiring. Her reason for caring about the subject and her own situation is shrouded in mystery as she wages the war against single 30 year old women. But anything for “happiness”… right?

  21. January 12th, 2018 at 1:21 am       tarap1 Says:

    Princeton needs to teach a class about the value of education. I am not bashing Ivy leagues, but it makes me question the education system and what they teach their students to value. I can’t believe Patton- a Princeton graduate- thinks it is perfectly valid to use college as a means of finding a husband. For someone with a strong academic background, it is startling to think how flawed her argument is. Your twenties is the prime time to start building your career and learning about yourself. It is a time for personal growth. Just because you want to focus on your career does not mean you are not going to be married until 35 years old. Encouraging women to find their happiness (their husband) in college before pursuing education is setting women behind!!! Wanting to find a partner is college is fine. However, education should be a focus in college. Your parents are paying money for an education, not a husband. A woman who has established her career and found her partner is “personal happiness.” You are fulfilled not just in a romantic sense but also in your career, which is integral for a strong foundation as a person and in relationships. Patton- you need to check yourself.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:33 am       mcguirky Says:

      Tara, I also expect better from a Princeton graduate. I expect her to argue better but to also not be so awful just in general. Princeton mom is, like, gross. She is a disgusting person. Who does she think she is going on tv (with that awful hair) and promoting the patriarchy? If she was nicer I would not make comments on that hair but Jesus it is bad. I would help her out but she deserves it. Is this who Princeton wants promoting their school? Like do they know what kind of students are going to show up if this lady keeps preaching? I wonder if Princeton has condemned her views since she became more well known.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:51 am       alanahm2 Says:

      Tara, your comment is spot on! When I heard that she was one of the first women to graduate from Princeton, I thought that she must be incredibly forward thinking and wise, seeing as she surely had to overcome many naysayers to succeed. Her proposal, however, was a severe disappointment. Even if she meant well, her argument was too flawed to be properly considered.

  22. January 12th, 2018 at 1:30 am       benm2 Says:

    I do believe that this is sexist. I feel like a woman should focus on their careers and don’t need to plan ahead towards marriage. Women don’t have to rely on men and should be able to focus on things that allow them to be self-sufficient, not planning on relying on someone else. If a man gave this speech, it definitely wouldn’t receive as much positive feedback from other girls. Since it’s coming from a woman, others can relate to it and even learn from it. However, if the topic was delivered by a male, women would see it as demeaning since they don’t go through the same experience as other women and would receive harsh criticism. I don’t think this way of thinking is realistic, especially in 2018, because people are so career oriented now and there is less stress on women to become the “ideal wife” and women are seen on more of the same level as men. Patton’s way of thinking is heavily outdated and is heavily unrealistic in modern society.

  23. January 12th, 2018 at 1:41 am       alanahm2 Says:

    Although I do not agree with the execution of Patton’s argument, I recognize that her intentions have merit. I appreciate her advice regarding prioritizing your “personal happiness;” however, I do not agree that this means you must put your career aside to go find yourself a “mate” and have kids.
    While choosing to be a spouse and/or a parent is incredibly admirable, it is certainly not a suitable path for everyone, and it is even less practical for most 22 year olds. Personal happiness is just that — personal! It holds a different significance for each person. Instead of abandoning my career and education to find personal happiness, I hope that my professional successes and the work I end up pursuing will in fact bring me happiness.
    I also agree with Patton’s sentiment (to an extent) regarding not being so focused on your career that you forget to live. However, when I think of “living” I think of traveling to new places, meeting new people, and trying new things.
    What I find most troubling about Patton’s argument is that she is solely addressing young women. Is it incomprehensible that some men may want to become fathers and husbands just as much as some women desire to be mothers and wives? Is she advising her two sons to take advantage of the pool of “worthy” applicants they will be surrounded by in college? That’s another thing… since when does a high IQ and favorable social standing dictate “worth”?
    Her proposal is concerning for all young adults. You learn the most about yourself when you are forced to navigate complicated situations alone. Learning how to be independent is a vital skill; regardless of your hopes for the future, being confident in and familiar with your own abilities can only augment your success. Jumping from one dependent relationship (living with your parents) directly into another robs young adults of this incredibly significant growth period. How can you possible share your life with someone else when you don’t know who you are? It is not fair to factor someone else into an equation that you haven’t finished solving.

  24. January 12th, 2018 at 1:43 am       lesliey1 Says:

    The Princeton mom brought to mind Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s speech “We Should All Be Feminists”. Adichie says, “Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men.” As I listened to the Princeton mom, I wondered why men were not being encouraged to spend 75% of their time in college looking for a partner. People can get married whenever they want but the idea that women should go to college to find a man is something I’d expect from a Mad Men episode, not this century. For young men, college has always been seen as a time for career building, academia, and personal discovery…why can’t women have the same thing? People are getting married later and later so I don’t feel as though Susan Patton’s advice is as relevant as she thinks. However, I kind of understand where she’s coming from when she says that things don’t just happen and that if you want something, you have to plan for it. If marriage is something that an individual wants, they should definitely plan for it and try to meet people instead of realizing at a much later age that they might not get the life they wanted. To preach this to the wide and varied demographic of women at Princeton is a bit much. I feel like her advice applies only to college-age women and men who go to an “elite” school and plan on marrying some other “elite” person and starting a “elite” family with them.

  25. January 12th, 2018 at 1:47 am       kriship1 Says:

    Patton’s marriage advice is sexist. However, I am controversial about if her point is realistic. I find her stat of 75% of one’s time finding a husband to be ridiculous. Where is the time for people to study and go to class if they spend 75% of their time looking for potential husbands? Students have taken more time into developing a career because it is a destiny they can control unlike finding a potential husband. Also, it is more important to have financial stability before getting married. IN a report by CNBC, 35% of couple divorces are because of financial related issues. If you don’t build a career for a better financial future it might not work out with that future husband. However, I can understand the importance Patton puts of finding a husband in college. In today’s day and age, people look to dating for a more extended period of time looking to find a person they can really trust. It is a matter of knowing if they can continue it for the long haul. And this could mean starting to date or even look for potential husbands in college. To find the right person takes time and if you spend an average of 2 years dating on each person that would only give you 3 chances to find that perfect person by the time you’re thirty. It’s a narrow window and maybe not enough time to find that guy. I believe men would also experience the same pressure but often because the men are usually older in the relationship, their age increases and the pressure is slightly less than for women. Also in this “traditional” value might consider women of not much value after the age of 30 with their age and appearance. In my culture, being arranged married gives much more time to find a suitable partner because their “dating” life is usually either a few hour or maybe a few weeks. For my parents, my mom was the 11 person my dad saw before he decided to marry and this happened all happened in 2 years.

  26. January 12th, 2018 at 1:50 am       dianag2 Says:

    After watching the video I was extremely shocked. As I was reading through the blog I agreed with many posts but was surprised that no one particularly mentioned what made me the angriest. Yes, it is completely unreasonable and sexist for Patton to enforce that women in college should spend the majority of their time looking for a husband if they want the “traditional family,” but I think how she described her reasoning for this opinion was the most astonishing. She kept referring to the girls as “competing” with each other, which to me sounded like she was almost dehumanizing young women as if they are simply an organism competing for a male to mate with. Again, I think that Patton’s opinion is very controversial because it places women back at a place where their most important role is in the house and raising a family instead of getting an eduction and empowering each other.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 1:53 am       christiner2 Says:

      I agree with your comment and that Patton’s claims are very old-school. It surprised me that she would imply such things despite the rise of women in all fields that were once considered “too manly” or “too difficult”, many times also proving that they are better than the others.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 2:54 am       sandraj2 Says:

      I agree with you Diana, women should be able to find themselves in college and gain an education that will allow them to be successful and independent. On the other hand, as women have motherly roles that have already been placed by society, it is hard to break away from roles that sometimes only women can do like to nurse a newborn. Men should definitely take on roles that women have to go against gender roles that society has put in place. Both men and women have the power to defy these ‘rules’ to show progress but many times risk being outcasted by others in the process.

  27. January 12th, 2018 at 1:51 am       christiner2 Says:

    I believe that this is sexist. Author Susan Patton’s claim that women would have to compete with one another to get a man is not only sexist and degrading, but also rather offensive. Her statement tears down the idea of a female community. Rather than confiding in fellow females, Patton emphasizes that women only have one goal in life: to marry and start a family, thus creating a sense of competition and hostility. Although I do agree that it is important to actively pursue a boyfriend or girlfriend if you want to start a family, I disagree with her claim that once you turn 30, you will never be able to start a healthy family. I believe that one of the biggest problems that people have nowadays is that they are unable to prioritize and realize that there is a time and place for everything. For example, now and for the next few years, it is our time to be students, to receive an education and pursue a job to make a steady income. Considering how many things I am barely balancing now, I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to be a college student and allot time in your schedule to find “the one”. To me, it sounds very unrealistic and unnatural. To force a relationship is like studying when you’re extremely exhausted. Though you persistently attempt to stay awake, you end up glazing over the material, only remembering, if anything, the few important points, but ultimately it is never truly absorbed. Likewise, if you consistently are on the hunt for a relationship, you will come across many possible “contenders”, and once you start meeting one, you will be blinded by your one goal (to start a family) that the feelings will not be genuine. Adding the stresses of a college student to this process is just setting someone up for doom. I believe that if men were given the same advice, it would cause uproar. Men would be told that they have too much potential or that they can wait or that they don’t need to get married, however women are told that THEY have to pursue the man, implying that the men are too busy studying or doing whatever they want, anyways being too busy to even think about a family. Lastly, college is not cheap at all, costing tens of thousands of dollars. Going to a prestigious school to find a boyfriend reminds me of the senior luncheon, where we paid $45 to go to a hotel to watch all the “popular” kids win awards and eat food that we could have easily eaten at any restaurant nearby.

    • January 12th, 2018 at 2:03 am       ansat2 Says:

      Christine, I love your comment. It not only addresses the situation, but brings light to our lives. I really liked when you refer to problems we face today-particularly the senior luncheon. I totally agree with you in that finding a person in college is like studying while you are exhausted. Because in the end of the day, you are not authentically “awake” or “present” to be in the proper mindset for a partner, therefore inflicting a state of unnaturalness. Great job!

  28. January 12th, 2018 at 1:57 am       ansat2 Says:

    This article is just so mind blowing. There’s many things I find annoying about this video. First of all, women in society, have been painted to seem, “lesser than,” or “weak,” compared to men. This ideology pertained relevant centuries ago, and should not be around today. In modern times, women are successful, educated, and skilled members of the community. We are assets in the workforce, as well as in the home. There is nothing wrong with finding a mate, but having that the primary focus for everyone is not acceptable-especially in college- because in the end of the day, college is meant to further one’s education, not limit them. Everyone has the right to live the life they choose, and inflicting a method on every single female is not realistic. I find it alarming that Patton, a former Princeton graduate is stating this thought, as she went to one of the top schools in America, and yet encourages others to refrain from getting that education that she once did. Patton has every right to want to be a full time mother, but enforcing that on others does not shine light to the situation. Today, women find pleasure by exploring, traveling, etc; and to those who do, settling down is not the first thing in mind. And to be honest, their is no law that females must marry, as it is their choice. I personally do not ever want my education to be evoked from me, because I have to marry and have kids. I hope every woman in the world chooses to live their life the way they want to, not by Patton’s words.

  29. January 12th, 2018 at 2:50 am       sandraj2 Says:

    This Princeton mom believes that to find happiness, you need to find a man. As it is true that women tend to look for a man during or after college, she wrote this letter to her “daughters.” She does bring up the point that those who want to start families should start looking for their spouse. Although there many be an ideal age for women to marry men, I would like to think it is because especially women who want to have children should not wait until their upper 40s, this increases complications for both the mother and child. Finding a man who has similar interests as you could be beneficial in college. It is true that you should find yourself before finding a man, but it can develop at the same time. Many marriages do end in divorce because of unlike people forcing a relationship but in reality, you should be able to continue a relationship even with differences. This would not be sexist coming from a man because men in society have been giving less restrictions on who to marry. Women are contained more, as they are given away by their families to a man who becomes her new protector. Women should be able to stand on their own two feet and be independent but cannot do that with the constant pressures of society pushing them together with a man.

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